waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Location: montreal, quebec, Canada


Saturday, September 09, 2006

i've almost given up on getting internet back in my actual apartment, ever. NO-ONE can tell me what's going on now - apparently there's a server problem, and they'll be able to give me a better idea on MONDAY. sigh.
i hate bell sympatico. i'm done protecting their stupid identity.
i HATE you, bell. i wish i could quit you.

it's a rainy day in montreal. a cold rain, the kind that makes me think i'm going to go home and make hot chocolate and write that first page of a story that's due on wednesday. i'm kind of intrigued by the workload i have, already. i've never been under this type of immediate pressure before. i have to read hundreds of pages by next week, (i believe just under 1000. i'm NOT kidding), and write three assignments, start prepping my first poetry workshop, and oh, yeah. work AT MY JOB, 12 hours a week.

i like being busy, though. busy bee, that's me. i like waking up and knowing how much time i should allot to various tasks throughout the day. i'm a pretty chaotic person, one who likes being spontaneous and impulsive and flying by the seat of her pants quite often, but i've found that discipline is the name of the game at the moment. it works to stabilize me, and gives me the groundwork to stay crazy, if i want to.
i get up in the morning and make a few cups of coffee. i feed the bean. i drink the coffee and put on some music and usually read the fiction i need to read to stay afloat in my classes. (right now, it's oryx and crake, by margaret atwood, and a midsummer night's dream.) then i get a shower and walk to the shuttle and take the bus to campus. or, on weekends, i clean my house.
but there has only been one week of this, so my routine can change at any moment.

i've been listening to "to the teeth" lately non-stop. specifically to the songs soft shoulder, providence (prince and ani. BRILLIANT.), going once (which provided the inspiration for the title of this blog), and cloud blood. i voraciously love these songs - have since i heard them, although to be honest it took me a while to warm up to the album as a whole.

i like walking in the rain without an umbrella. people look at you funny. it's like everyone is supposed so be protected from the elements, when really, it's way more liberating to just get wet.

p.s. my heart is with two people right now. my sister, whose friend died mountain climbing in the arctic a few weeks ago, and who is attending his memorial service today. and with my "other mother", a woman who adopted me no questions asked the second we met each other, whose own sister died unexpectedly a few days ago.
life is so, so precious. and so, so short.


Blogger ruby said...

i don't use umbrellas often either. i knew i liked you for a reason. :)

7:07 p.m.  
Blogger Jessie said...

funny how even the simplest details of a person's everyday life can be so incredibly interesting. i loved reading about how you get up, make coffee, then read...and how you walk in the rain without an umbrella...yes, these little bee-esque-things are comforting in a strange way...maybe because i haven't quite figured out what it is i do on a daily basis. :P

7:45 p.m.  
Blogger Sacred Suzie said...

It's funny, I wake up dreading the drudgery of the day but then I mostly just do housework and cook and bake. It sounds like you must be on the right path. When I got my English and Writing degree, you couldn't keep me in bed, I was so inspired. It sounds like that's where you are and that's awesome!

Love Margaret Atwood and Ani Defranco too BTW.

Your life is wonderful Bee, thank you for sharing it.

9:50 a.m.  
Blogger Superhero Activist said...

Oryx and Crake, eh? I tried reading it, I should give it another go. It's moment wasn't ripe yet. Atwood and her dis-utopias are lovely.

And what can I say? I adore the idea of you without an umbrella walking in the rain.

10:44 a.m.  
Blogger megg said...

what a great post - it really shows a strong look into your personality and into your days.

I never use an umbrella either - I'm a big fan of a warm rain!!

12:46 p.m.  

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