waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Friday, December 08, 2006

victory garden


i have this vase that sits in my cupboard - i painted it one year as a gift for my mother for mother's day. there's a black-eyed susan on it, and the words, mothers soothe the soul's garden, in blurred black on the bottom. i've always liked the idea of a person's inner space being living and dynamic, like a bed of soil where one can plant whatever they wish.

the other night, when i was struggling with my last assignment, i started googling images that were associated with the word "victory", (yes, i was already planning my 'i did it' post), and these pictures came up.

i like vintage things (movies, clothes, wines, deco), so i was struck by the graphics on the posters and had to learn more about what 'victory gardens' actually were. according to a teeny bit of internet research, they were a project the u.s. government undertook to encourage american citizens to grow their own produce so the agricultural production could be channeled directly to the allied troops overseas.

this idea sort of seemed like a no-brainer to me, in the 'take production back into your own hands, grow your own food' sense, but i quickly took it away from its original intention and re-appropriated it as my own.

and i thought - what does my soul need to feel replenished right now? what can i give to it that would be like leaving a field fallow for 3 years? what would restore the pH balance to my inner garden? and so i planned my first day off.

after i dropped off my essay, i bought myself a coffee, went to the library and borrowed 4 children's books:
alligator pie
garbage delight
falling up
and where the sidewalk ends

...basically because my brain has been filled with gigantic amounts of "adult" books lately, but also because immersing myself in children's things reminds me how much they spark a different side of creativity, a side that still lives within me, but that i neglect from time to time.

i came home and fell asleep for a dreamless nap that lasted 4 hours. i got up and made miso soup, went to the video store and rented american beauty, and bought myself a cheap tiramisu.

i don't think i've watched american beauty since it came out in 1999, and i've wanted to since, and i was so glad i did. what an exquisitely crafted, and written script. the actors are all so incredible, the cinematography was gorgeous, and it was superb. and i knew i was doing it for just me.
(which is, of course, fine every once in a while).

by then it was 10 and i was sleepy again (i'm still a bit sick) so i just went to my bed and curled up in it and fell asleep...and i woke up sprawled out in all directions.

i have a question for you: what can you do to water your 'victory garden'? what does your soul need to feel replenished? maybe you haven't done anything you feel is particularly noteworthy today - so what? life is here, happening, and you're an intrinsic part of this life, and you should celebrate your own existence. because you're lovely, and you so deserve a gesture of appreciation from the person who knows you best.

it feels really good. wholesome. healthy. holistic. sacred.

plant something within yourself...bead a new necklace, light candles when you make supper, and watch how the shoots that are inside of you unfold, welcome the warmth of that attention...it's a beautiful thing.

9 Comments:

Anonymous ceanandjen said...

Through the madness right now, I am trying to answer that very question that you so eloquently pose. But, you know what, I am still glad you asked it and reminded us.

I am so happy for you and your victory. It sounds like that day off was a good one indeed!

Love to you Bee...enjoy your time!!!!
xoxox

3:10 PM  
Blogger ruby said...

i love love love this post, bee-pee.
and i'm in the process of figuring this out for myself...i'll let you know what i come up with. much love.

4:43 PM  
Blogger JimmyJames said...

I have just finished reading a book called, "Leading with Soul" and it talks about the importance of celebrations espeically when completing goals.
The way you planned the outcome before you were done, is a subject several authors such as Dyer discuss about thinking from the end. See the task as completed, the book already written, and the class already aced - and you set in motion powerful forces within yourself to complete it just as you saw it. Dyer wrote a book about it, called "Power of Intention", then Hicks wrote one, and than Depok wrote one. It is a principle that works well, and you obviously employed it to great success.
Now ejy your celebration and have fun.While I try to do this nasty word verification.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

When you mentioned some of those children's books on my blog I was thinking I need to get to the library and take a look at them too. I haven't read any of them in years and years. Curling up with a book is one of those soul-replenishing things for me...either discovering a wonderful new story or revisiting and old one.

Lovely post, m'dear!

8:53 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

See, now that's one of the things I like about you...you're willing to read children's books to balance the Ph in your mental garden. I love it! And I think you described it perfectly because that is exactly what working at a children's bookstore is doing for me.

Also, I really like the picture of the victory gardener...she reminds me of you...the way she is swinging her arm and walking...well, that's the way I imagine you walking down the street for coffee or the bus or...you in all your bee-ness.

today one of the things I'm doing to water my victory garden is catching up with you. I love ya sweet-bee.

Thanks for making me smile. :)

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lovely post Bee

10:58 AM  
Blogger a m y said...

this is such a beautiful post, and one that resonates with me. i'm glad you liked American Beauty...it's one of the best movies i've ever seen. love to you---keep watering your victory garden. take care!

11:06 AM  
Blogger Cheshire Cat said...

When i need to replensih my garden and water it, i like to spend time playing video games with chris. or taking turns playing and watching each other play. also, we like eating food and watching the colbert report. it's really nice to sit beside chris and just sit. watching or playing together is a great way to feel closer to each other i find. sharing each others' interest and when we both get excited, hehe, it's so much fun to just play together.

i love alligator pie!!! and chris just said he's never read it, so i shall definitely make sure he does. and if you want any more chuildren's book, just ask me for suggestions. i tyook a children's lit class and all the book swere fantastic! some i'd read, some i haven';t. you should definitely read charlotte's web. you can never read that too many times! oooh and the borrowers and watership down

8:41 PM  
Blogger daisies said...

i love this post ~ it has my brain snapping and smiling and it occurs to me that perhaps reaching out to the world and reading the stories of others spilling their thoughts on their blogs, waters my victory garden ... that and going to the art gallery, that always restores my soiled soul ... : )

7:53 AM  

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