sometimes it amazes me the breadth of feeling i can experience in a day, in one hour, in one minute. (i like that word, to describe emotion: breadth, it's full of fibre and nourishment.)

it's strange for me to try and communicate how i feel, considering it changes so constantly. i'm up, i'm down, i'm numb...i'm sassy, i'm shy, i'm funny, i'm broken-hearted. sometimes i'm content with my own arms wrapped around me. sometimes i ache for love to walk through the door and envelop me.

there is so much of my journey that i want to honour, and yet so much i don't want to own. i don't want to write here, and let people see, how raw it is - how raw it remains, for no apparent reason.

but i also want to. i want to unzip this skin i'm in, and let the light shine on my dark bits; maybe it will warm them up a little.

it is 2:38 am. i have been awake for 23 hours. i want to go to sleep. i've eaten too much junk food today, drunk way too many (expensive) coffees, and i want to disappear.

but i've had it with hiding my emotions. something in me is blocked, and i need to release it. if i edit myself here, then i'm not sure where the sludgy stuff is going to go.

the first thing i need to release, to admit to: sometimes i need a bit of extra love.

it makes me so ashamed to admit that, and it probably isn't that much of a surprise. it happens the most when i don't care for myself - obviously, perhaps - when i don't sleep, or eat well, or am stressed out.

i literally cannot remember the last time i ate a vegetable. do you know how weird and out of character that is for me?

i have received so much love, from so many corners, in just the past day, that i know i should be full. and i don't mean to say that i am not grateful - in fact, these lovely people (3, in fact) are proof to me that the universe bestows blessings in human form. i love them, i love them so.

but the beastie in me woke up after that, and wanted more and more and more. and i try to feed it, to tell it to stop asking, you've had enough - look! look at what you got! be happy! but it won't listen.

sometimes it won't accept anything but everything.