waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Location: montreal, quebec, Canada

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Monday, October 09, 2006

okay. take 2.

once again, i erased the post that i wrote yesterday, for the simple reason that as hard as it is sometimes, i want to remind myself of the good things that happen on a daily basis in my life.

it's not that i want to forget or dishonour my struggles - but i have had plenty of time to think about them and marinate in them. i'm sort of feeling finished with that phase of my life right now.

there has been a lot going on in my little corner of the world; much like there is lots going on in everybody's little corner of the world. and i've felt overworked and underslept, and sometimes ill-equipped to deal with everything the universe has thrown at me in the past few weeks. but that is life. i wake up, i try to accomplish a few things, i react, i go to bed. stress happens.

no matter what, i want to remind myself that i will be okay. i'll be better than okay, because i wake up every day and i take a deep breath and i brew my coffee and get on with it.
i have, quite literally, the most dazzling spirits helping me along, too.

today, now, this is what's good in my life:

  • i have got more work done already today than i have all week. it's all about the inertia, baby.
  • right now it's 1:16 pm. i am still in my bathrobe, and i don't need to get out of it if i don't want to. my balcony door is open, and it is warm and sunny and happy outside.
  • met just dropped off a gift for me: a freaking dvd player. (wtf???) i'm not letting myself set it up until AFTER my homework. this means i get to watch tv again. oh, i've missed it so.
  • i got to see him, period. i wasn't expecting to at all this weekend, so that kicked some ass.
  • i have money in my bank account, finally. FINALLY. this means i get to pay tuition this week, which is always good.
  • emails from good friends.

i am blessed in my life, there's no way around it. this is what i want to remember.

3 Comments:

Blogger kj said...

bee, i loved reading your post. i do what you've shared when i get too far afield of feeling good, balanced, ok, grateful.

i also know that when i try to change however/whatever i feel--even if it's not what i wish--i complicate things for myself because then i have replaced a real feeling with the one i think i "should" have.

for what it's worth....

i'm glad for your blog.

kj

10:43 AM  
Blogger bee said...

that's a good point, kj...

and i'm not trying to deny the negative feelings i get, just more - trying to constantly reframe my thinking. it's one of my flaws where sometimes i find myself thinking negatively when there's really no need.

and thank you, very much. :)

11:09 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

i especially like the part about brewing coffee and getting on with it. whenever you write about coffee i imagine that the aroma of it brewing smells extra good at your place. you make me want to make coffee, sit around in my robe with the windows open, and write. ;) *deep breath*...ahhhh, it's the little things that make life good.

9:31 PM  

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