waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Location: montreal, quebec, Canada

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

this too, shall pass...
this morning, i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

the story i'm supposed to have ready for tomorrow hasn't been going well; the essay which is also due is pretty much a write-off (no pun intended) - although i did just get an extension on it; i'm behind on my readings for my other classes; i got yelled at by a woman in student accounts for not paying my tuition (at 8 in the morning??)...

i'm just a little tired, is all. i can't seem to match up my energy with my desire and i need to find my stride; it's here somewhere. i just wish there was someone i could turn to for answers. every so often i think to myself, bee, you're doing this on your own; some day you're going to be pretty damned proud of yourself.
last night, though, when i'd finally given up on the words visiting and was lying in bed, listening to the wind move through the trees and waiting for sleep, all i felt was worry.

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however
humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

7 Comments:

Blogger Claire said...

It is a beautiful world.

Keep that thought with you, bee dearest.

Cxx

7:23 AM  
Blogger ruby said...

i feel you, bee...you've no idea...
i know i haven't been commenting as much lately, but know that i am visiting every day...hugs to you...

8:19 AM  
Anonymous jeannette* said...

"i can't seem to match up my energy with my desire and i need to find my stride; it's here somewhere"

these words really pierced through me.

I'm grateful for the tender beauty that's found in souls like you! Keep painting the world with your spirit....one day I believe it will shine back in your image.

Hoping your day heaps bowl fulls of blessings on you.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Sacred Suzie said...

I think there's something going on with the moon...I seem to be going through a similar phase. Too much to do, can't tie up the loose ends. You're not alone Bee!

I'd love it if you wanted to participate in the discussion about chakras. Write when you get the chance to breathe!

10:20 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Excellent words. Always love to hear what you are writing.

Scott

10:45 AM  
Blogger Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hey babes...maybe it's the weather. When it changes noticeably it weighs a person down. I've felt a bit tired lately as well. Hey you have a reason to be tired, you've been a busy bea...Bee. hehehe. Sorry I coudn't resist. Once you get going you'll be fine. For writing inspiration what do you do? I grab a cup of tea and listen to Russel Watson's (the voice) for that push. I don't know why it works for me, but it does.

Worry comes and it goes and yes, it's still a beautiful world. As I sat on the stairs looking out the window. I saw a lady walk by, I wondered what could she be thinking right now, she turned her head my way and smiled, I returned a smile though with blushing cheeks. I was surprised I guess, it was as if she heard my thoughts. She continued on her way, though now she walked with a slight smile. I just became a part of her life. Ha, isn't that something? Bee I'm drifting...so I better go...later babes.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

from where i sit, it has just started to rain. and i find the combination of your words and the rain to be extremely comforting right now--both seem to fit my state of mind so perfectly. and your poems, my dear, they are gorgeous. i am so glad that you write.

4:03 PM  

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