waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Location: montreal, quebec, Canada

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Sunday, September 17, 2006

i've been talking to some friends over the past few days, before i realized how sleep = amnesia and put myself to bed, and they've been calming me down. hoobey tells me that his girlfriend is on the same medication i am on and she experienced the same acclimitization i am. which feels good - to know that i am not alone.
j let me talk. this woman has known me almost half my life and been one of my best friends almost as long. i love her more than i can say, and the fact that she's been reading the blog and then called me to check in means a lot. she also just listened, without interrupting, to my reams of confusion. i wish she wasn't so far away.
wo reassured me that the medication i am on is a doozy - one of the big ones, and it's very difficult, apparently. i don't remember it being so difficult 3 years ago; that's why i jumped on taking it again, but it makes sense: it treats a variety of symptoms from social anxiety to panic to depression, so it's understandable that it would be a transition. she told me to be gentle on myself.
my godmother told me to write on a wall with a tube of lipstick, this too shall pass. and it will.

on a softer note, i love my cat. before i curled into bed last night, i grabbed him from the couch and brought him with me; where to my surprise he settled right in. he either spooned with me or lay by my head all night, and when i woke up intermittently he was always watching me, purring. it's funny because in the book i finished last week for class, oryx and crake, the crakers use a similar purring technique to heal their wounded.
i think atwood might be onto something.

3 Comments:

Blogger Sacred Suzie said...

Bee, I wrote a comment in your previous post but will say here as well that I think you should see your doc immediately and get off this. No pill is worth that kind of aggravation. I had to go on my med to calm down my ovary and it's been hell but there is no other way to do it. If I had options, I would totally change my approach. There is no need for YOU to suffer! Find something better with your doctor, that's my advice.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Jessie said...

oh, i hate that when skin doesn't fit right. but i hope the cat magic is working. i'm thinking about you and sending love. i wish i was rich and could send you money for a bunch of professional massages...something to help make the transition a little bit easier. be kind to yourself.
luv,
j.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

I hope that you start to feel better soon. I have been there before and know that it is not fun at all. Be well okay?

Scott

11:05 AM  

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