waiting on the front porch

she just stood there on the front porch waiting for her will to come and get her she was packed she had a suitcase full of noble intentions she had a map and a straight face hell bent on reinvention she was learning about please and huge humilities then one day she looked around her and everything up til then was showing and she wondered how did i get here without even knowing where i was going? ~ani difranco

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Location: montreal, quebec, Canada


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

i'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth, but i'm hanging on. there's something to be said about that.

i have a mammogram today. my sister informed me that it is basically radiation. i wasn't aware of this, somehow, and it's making me very apprehensive. i don't even nuke my food, for god's sake, why would i nuke my boobs?
i'd skip the damn appointment, but i've been waiting for 2 months. it seems silly to wait until the day of to cop out.

the medication situation is evening out. yay! i don't feel like i'm certifiable anymore, just mildly kooky: in essence, the usual.

my stress, however, is through the roof. once again, the usual for september. i've had panic attacks pretty much every day since saturday; is it sad that i'm used to them now, and know not to freak, but just ride them out? probably, but all the people i've been talking to tell me that there's only a few more days of this left and then i'll be as blissed out as a hindu cow.
yay to that, too.

it's raining like mad outside. i haven't slept at all - unless you count a few piddly hours between 10:30 and 1. sleep is for chumps.
i'm listening to dave matthews band and trying to crack some poems out of their shells. i have at least four that are due tonight.

i'm wearing my sassy red dress. it's not my writing overalls, but i'm hoping it will do the trick.

i've just got a lot of stuff on my mind. i'll go and buy that lipstick tonight so i can write on my walls, this too shall pass.


Blogger Spiky Zora Jones said...

I read something out of Susan Santagss journals to be published in 2008/2009, it went like this. Why is writing important? mainly out of egotism, i suppose. Because i want to be that persona. a writer, and not because there is something i must say. Yet why not that too? with a little ego building, such as the fait accompli this journal provides. i shall win through to that confidence that I (I) have something to say, that should be said.
Sweetie, say it with lipstick and in your sassy red dress. that sounds like fun. Have fun and i hope you feel better soon. Later babes.

9:39 a.m.  
Blogger Scott said...

Those damn panic attacks such bad. Hope that they settle down soon. Just remember to breathe deep into them, that is what I do.


11:47 a.m.  
Blogger Egan said...

Bon courage ce soir mon amie. I can see why you're apprehensive. Getting screened for anything must be scary.

12:11 p.m.  

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